Don't Forget Your Toothbrush

Warming Up

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A few of you got in touch to let me know that renowned liar Alex Jones has got a Hitler Moustache. It’s always flattering when someone you respect is influenced by something you’ve done. But back to Alex Jones. You may recall that I once (or twice) grew a toothbrush moustache to reclaim it for comedy (cos Charlie Chaplin had it first and then Hitler came along and ruined it for everyone - it was probably the worst thing he ever did). Alex Jones is apparently attempting something similar, except maybe he’s trying to reclaim it for Hitler.

Or is it for pussy (because that’s the other place you’ll find the tache these days)? He claims it had a wild effect on women and mine did too. They’d either laugh (never in my face, though when I’d just passed and was still close enough to hear) or look confused or scared. I imagine at least two of those three things is Jones’ preference in female reaction.

Did it make them wild with desire? No, but maybe I am moving in the wrong circles. Catie, who’d been dating me for a couple of years wasn’t put off by it, but I’ve always suspected some Nazi sympathy in her. She’s cool about the one ball too.

That would be my main warning to Jones. The teenagers running this simulation of earth have a sense of humour and if you do one thing like Hitler, they will make sure another thing befalls you. Maybe it will be losing a testicle or maybe it will be getting a bit more right wing as you get older. Which doesn’t bear thinking about in Jones’ case, though was very much true for Hitler. And he was pretty right wing to start with.

Did Hitler really only have one ball? You’ll have to buy Can I Have My Ball Back? to find out. Or just google it for free.

There was a difference in having a Hitler Moustache in 2010, than in say 1941. There’s also a difference in having one in 2025 than having one in 2010 (though the reasons in 2025 and 1941 are a bit more similar). I wouldn’t do that show now (you can still get it and watch it here - trigger warning - includes some unpleasant words) and my theory that the UK would never fall for right wing politics has proven in correct. Our next Prime Minister looks likely to be another one-baller who has probably sported the moustache at some point (Most men have whilst shaving, but I guess the spirit in which they do that is what counts), N Farage.

Before the election I felt pretty certain that the vote would see the end of the Tories, but we shouldn’t celebrate too much because it would make way for something worse and I am sorry to be being proven right about that. I didn’t predict how readily Starmer would roll over and offer one or both of his testicles to his monoballed successor. I stupidly thought he might be basically competent and move the country back in the right direction. Rather than in the right direction.

I guess the power of my satire in 2010 just wasn’t strong enough. Sorry about that.

The only positive I can see from the dark times coming up is that when the dust settles and the bodies are buried and the radiation has died down a little bit, we might be in a position to create a political system that is forward looking and inclusive. Which might not be much of a consolation to those of us who have become Morlocks.

Then for about 80 years we’ll live in relative peace and equality, before all the people who were here this time die and our great-grandkids decide to have another go at it.

Is it all inevitable? Can we stop it? Why is no one stopping it? I’m not doing it. Someone else should do it.

Chris Evans (not that one) took this picture. Not my car or jeans.

Thanks to everyone who backed the Ball Back DVD kickstarter. We are working hard on getting all the rewards ready and you should get it all in November if everything goes to plan. Thought you might like to see the boxer shorts design! If you didn’t back the kickstarter you won’t be able to get these. Maybe you are relieved. We always go above and beyond though and make sure we spend most of the money we make on getting worthwhile products. SO BACK US NEXT TIME!