I'm A Nice Guy

Warming Up

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I am not a very pushy person when it comes to my career. I have always
believed (wrongly) that if you’re good at something, people will notice
and that you will get what you deserve. If for example you wrote a blog
every day for 23 years, you would assume that you’d be hailed as a
literary hero - no need to push it. People will find it themseves.

I’ve found those performers who are ambitious and manipulative rather
embarrassing and I couldn’t do it myself. Though it does seem to work.

I noticed 20 odd years ago that one comedian would be my best friend at
the Edinburgh Fringe, because I was established there and might be able
to help them, but when I went to Melbourne, where I was not established
at all, they would barely acknowledge me. They were very good at playing
the game, making best friends with the right people. And their tactics
paid off as they’re very successful now.

Through some misguided honour or fairness that I have inherited from my stupid,
moral father, I haven’t wanted to play the game. I’ve found networking
embarrassing and I am really terrible at even remembering who the
important people are. It’s why, I suppose, I have ultimately ended up
almost entirely working on my own and why my best friends are puppets.

It hasn’t been an entire failure - I’ve always had enough work and usually
had enough money. I have a manager who is a bit more pushy than I am
and maybe people have noticed me and given me work. My career has been
surprisingly adequate and my output will justify my epitaph of “quite
good”. I’ve been doing it long enough to know that there are times when
one gets hotter and when one gets colder and the trick is to carry on
without burning or freezing to death.

Over the last few months I’ve felt like things might be winding down and that jobs would be coming in more rarely and that “my time” if I ever had
one, has passed. I didn’t mind too much. I am happier now that I have
ever been, no longer fettered by the hope of something “happening” (by
magic obviously as I was doing nothing to make it happen), financially
secure for a few years even if I stopped working and loving having a
family and getting to spend time with them.

And yet, without me trying at all, it does feel like some dial somewhere
has been turned and the central heating has gone up a little bit - it’s
largely a coincidence of timing, but there was the dual announcement of
Bake Off (something I did months ago) and Educating Rita. I’ve also
coincidentally been offered a small part in a film called Zak the Ripper
and today got another request to be in a two hander play (which I don’t
think I will have time to do, but still it’s unusual). The other secret
project I did last year has contacted me to ask about press (I don’t know when it’s going out, but that’s usually a sign that it’s fairly imminent) and there may be some limited interest in a couple of my book/podcast ideas and I am, at least, starting to feel fired up to work on them.

We are also in the slow process of trying to get our own film off the ground, based on this improvised sketch that I did with Bilal Zafar a few years ago. I don’t know how we missed the title “The Cheddar Beheader” but it seems anyway that I am typecast to appear in films about Rippers!

Today apropos of nothing, Bilal put a short clip of it up on Instagram and it crazily went viral. I think because a lot of people thought it was real. Certainly once it
got to America there was a lot of people misunderstanding it.

Best comment “The eyes wouldn’t make me doubt his personality. That’s
disturbing.”

That’s the power of my acting. That’s why I am so in demand.

It’s just a coincidence that I only get parts that are perverts, people who use sex workers, drunks and serial killers. (I am actually a police officer in Zak the Ripper -playing against type).

I also got my third Chortle mention of the year in this piece about the lovely Amy Gledhill. Is my past work about to get the acclaim it deserves? When will someone write a dissertation about stone clearing?

The point I am trying to make here is that after a couple of years of
really not trying to get any work, it feels (almost certainly wrongly)
that I am being appreciated. Exactly as I hoped would happen. Just
thirty years too late and mainly for work I am not getting paid for.
It’s definitely true though that people casting things will often cast
people based on just having seen them somewhere (fun fact - Rebecca
Front ended up being in Time Gentlemen Please because I bumped into her
in a bakery in North London and suddenly realised she’d be perfect for
Ms Jackson. I might have arrived there eventually, but I hadn’t thought
about it until she was literally in front (no pun intended) of my face).

People are taking an interest in me again, though to be fair, mostly because they think I am actually a serial killer. But it all counts. Bilal has literally just texted me to say
that his reel on Instagram has had one million views! And just because that’s mainly from people who haven’t spotted that it’s a joke that doesn’t mean it doesnt count!

Another unappreciated masterpiece that someone will write a dissertation on at some point, Rich and Ally’s Craven Newsround is back today, talking about Bryan Johnson, the man who wants to live forever. And there’s some surprising philosophical thoughts from Ally Sloper, a man who is to all intents and purposes immortal. I don’t know how he thinks of these things. I guess that’s what makes us such a great double act.
Hope you like the new titles!