J’emporterais le feu

Warming Ups

8491/21410

Today’s by election result makes me hopeful that the 75% of the UK that isn’t insane/racist and is regretting Brexit will do all they can to keep Reform out.

I hope also we might finally get some electoral reform (not elected Reform) to reflect the fact that we haven’t had a two-party system since the 19th Century. If 25% of people want to vote for Reform then they should get representation in parliament, but it will also mean a party that is supported by 30% of the populace can not get a massive majority in parliament.

The amazing news that is slightly lost within all the other stuff going on is that the Tories had their worst by election result of all time, lost their deposit and only got 547 more votes than the Monster Raving Loony Party.
As predicted before the last general election the destruction of the Conservative party isn’t necessarily cause for celebration, given the party that is taking their place, but I am hopeful that politics can move into the 21st Century and be more fit for purpose.

Will Keir Starmer finally realise the absolutely bleeding obvious that trying to copy Reform policies only legitimises Reform’s policies and none of their voters are going to shift to Labour? Or will he conclude that he needs to be more Reform than he’s been already? Or more Green? Or both? That would be interesting to see!

I didn’t have high hopes for Starmer, but I thought that having a grown up at the helm might make things a bit better. He couldn’t be worse than what came before. It was a very low bar and the bar is really wobbling from Starmer’s attempt to get over it. And he stepped backwards when he nudged it so he isn’t even over it yet.

Will this electoral set back make him realise he’s been doing entirely the wrong thing and is currently on course to be one of those nameless, faceless blokes in history whose weakness, self-interest or stupidity led to the rise of some awful dictator and madman? I would have thought that is the worst fate for any politician. To be half-remembered as a grey figure whose name you have to look up and then immediately forget, but you know fucked everything up. At least Liz Truss and Boris Johnson can claim they were characters.

It’ll be interesting to look back on all this from the distance of 2050 (we’re closer to that year than the year 2000), if any of us make it that far.

I am doubtful I can make it that far, so if time travel has been invented could one of you come back and let me know what happened? I promise not to tell anyone. Also wouldn’t hurt to have all the lottery results for the next 24 years too. Also tell me how I die so I can avoid dying and still be alive so you don’t need to come back.

Another Craven Newsround out today

First couple of chapters of The Cheddar Beheader are here for paid subscribers.

A terrific RHLSTP Book Club with Ian Leslie talking about his Beatles Book, John and Paul: A Love Story in Songs.

Buy the book here.

8492/21411

The gloves are off. Apparently it’s OK to assassinate (or kidnap) a political leader that you think is evil or endangering the world. Do with that information whatever you want. Personally I would have to be pretty sure of my own moral integrity before I made that the rule.

I saw this quote from Jean Cocteau on bluesky today

“Q If your house was burning down, what would you take with you?

A I’d take the fire” Jean Cocteau.

It’s one of those witty things that clever people say that are fun to quote, but I always wish that there was someone there to pick these things apart. Simon Munnery does a great job of that in his joke about Oscar Wilde’s apocryphal comment when he was asked “Do you have anything to declare?”

“I have nothing to declare but my genius.”

“I’ll put that down as nothing then shall I?”

Though just as effective would be the reply from the customs officer (that he would surely have made had this been a real situation and not made up a decade after Wilde’s death), “No, I meant taxable stuff, like cigarettes and booze and so on.”

If I’d asked Jean Cocteau what he would save from his house if it was on fire and he said he’d take the fire. I’d not have laughed or said “aaah!” I’d have said, “No, really though.”

I am not even sure what he meant. Is he saying that out of all his amazing possessions and manuscripts nothing is an impressive or as worth saving as the fire itself? Which is nonsense. Fire is readily available for the price of a match or a couple of sticks if you’re really determined not to spend money or you can just steal some from another fire any time with one stick or a bit of paper and no one will complain.

Try and put this fire out and save your priceless, irreplaceable stuff.

Or is he saying that he would save all of his possessions by taking away all the fire so none of it burns. I mean that would be awesome if it was possible, but if so Cocteau might be clever with words and stuff (or whatever it was he did, I don’t really know who he is) but that’s not how fire works. Otherwise the fire brigades job would be easy. They could just take away all the fire and store it in a big burning metal storage container along with all the other fires they’s stopped. Think of the water they’d save.

So the witticism or philosophical point or whatever it is meant to be doesn’t work as you’re not sure what he meant. But I wouldn’t have minded a funny answer if he’d then said “I’d have saved this book” or “I’d have rescued my cat” or “I’d probably try and get my wife and kids out first” which would also have served as a good cover for the fact that he was gay at a time when that was illegal (though to be fair, probably not in France where anything goes and always has).

If he’d properly answered the question then we would at least now know what Cocteau would have saved from a fire, rather than laughing at his funny answer, before then thinking, wait, what did he mean and that doesn’t really make sense.

To be fair, if he’d said “I would have saved this first edition book,” then no one would be quoting this a hundred years later. But at least if I was curious about it I would look it up.

In case anyone in 2126 wants to know what I would take from a fire it would be my iphone, my laptop, Ally Sloper and then if there was time, my wife and kids.

Thanks for Jean trying to be clever we will never know his answer. Cock Toe.