Musky Robot Dick

Warming Up

7977/20918

Elon Musk has introduced his first line-up of humanoid robots (though it's not really clear how autonomous they are or whether they are just elaborate puppets operated by humans - what kind of sick mind would do that?). Although I have seen an image of Musk kissing one of them (that can’t possibly be AI generated), and I don't want to kink shame the man when there are so many better reasons to shame him, but it is not the revolution in robotics that I was hoping for.

Maybe if I was very drunk at a robot disco and all the other attractive robots had paired off with someone else, then I might give it a go - the one serving drinks definitely has gripping hands that could complete the task - but otherwise I am out. There is a risk of penicular mangling too, but to be honest, the fear of that is the only thing that could get me off.

Hopefully Apple or Facebook or someone are working on sexier robots than this, but I suppose this is a jolty step closer to my dream. Will I live to see it and if I do will my aging genitalia be in any state to use the robots as I desire? I might have to have my penis replaced by a robot penis, but personally I think there is an ethical and moral problem with a robot fucking another robot. Also if I become a robot who is to say that some other unscrupulous human might use me for their sex slave? If it's OK to use robots as sex toys then poor robot-penised Richard Herring might find himself in quite a quandary. Depending on who wants to use him as a sex slave. What if Gemma Chan wants a sex robot?

Though it'll probably be someone like you though, so I'd better pass. At least until kicking out time at the disco.

As a couple more travel shows announced where two men get to go and travel the world together and no women are allowed to come, unless they're your mum (but preferably) your dad, I felt a bit stung that in spite of having a penis I have not been invited on one of these for a while. Also I did go through a little period where I'd be teamed up with David Baddiel for stuff like this, but he's now moved on to a different bloke from a 90 double act. Some people wondered if Stewart Lee and I might be interested in reforming for a travel show, but even if both of us suffered some kind of brain injury and wanted to do it, one of us would kill the other pretty quickly (the only jeopardy being which one would triumph). In fact it would probably also be true of my other double act partner Andrew Collings too (though I'd definitely kill him first) or my very temporary double act partner of Daisy May Cooper (who would kill me in the first two minutes, but not be allowed to travel anyway due to her lack of a penis). You start to wonder who the problem must be when there's so much fractiousness. It's the other one in all these cases.

I think it might be a fun shift of the format to a) either allow some women to travel, in spite of the damage that going over 10mph would undoubtedly inflict upon their wombs and delicate psyches or b) send two people who actively hate each other away on one of these trips, maybe without telling them that they'd be on the same plane and in the same hotels as their enemy. Would they crack and talk to each other or would they just try and ignore or avoid each other? Or would they fight and murder each other.

I've already come up with one TV format in the last month (had an online meeting about it today and it's progressing well), but I think this might be an even better idea and I am giving it away for free. I don't want to see pals travelling the world together, just mortal enemies. But I agree TV, only white, middle-aged men. You've got that bit right.

RHLSTP Book Club with the unstoppable Paul Sinha is now up wherever you get your pods

And his book is a must read - sorry about that, but you must read it. Buy it here

Here's a clip