Penile Evolution

Warming Up

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Ernie said to me today, “If you had a Willy coming out of your butt it would look like you had really big balls.” I needed some clarification on that and he said it would be because your butt cheeks would look like your balls.

I don’t know where he gets this stuff from. He’s 28 years old too.

Catie says I mustn’t laugh at things like this because that will encourage him. But no on laughed at me when I said similar stuff as a child and it didn’t discourage me. Perhaps laughter is the only way to fight this menace.

And look, me saying weird things about genitals is the reason we have a house, so it’s only natural that I should encourage my kids to take things even further. A father should nurture the talents of his kids. I have thought about penises a lot. So much that it makes you wonder if I have some kind of an issue. But not once have I even considered the idea of a penis growing out between two buttocks, wherein the testicles are housed.

I don’t know how wise it is to have testicles in a place that you sit down. But to be fair to Ernie, he only said “look like” so I assume he is imagining the testicles in the same place and the penis just moving round the back a few inches.

Perhaps one day evolution will catch up with this visionary.

I don’t know what this means for the elimination of waste. Does the penis become a cloaca and deal with everything or are the waste pipes just aligned closely together. That would mean that two men could have anal sex with each other at the same time, which would surely be a vast improvement on the current, inefficient one-at-a-time system.

Ernie may have just been trying to think of a way to compensate for my testicular deficiencies. Which is very kind of him. If my penis was growing out of my butt and people assumed my buttocks were my testicles, then no one could ever accuse me of depleted in that area again. I am sure if I had a rear penis and the appearance of huge buttock-sized testicles no one would ever laugh at my genitals again.

He is a thoughtful boy and his thoughtfulness should (and will be) encouraged.