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I don't know why people who are down in the dumps are meant to be sad, the dump is the happiest place on earth and I wish I lived there. Like some kind of Stig (not the one from Top Gear- my references are so old they even outdate outdated ones).
We're now set to move at the end of the month (though the new house is still being worked on so who knows?) and so I got rid of a load of broken gadgets, a rotten hammock frame and a huge amount of Richard Herring leaflets and programmes. I have been putting these things in the recycling for months and done several trips to the dump and recycling centres and yet still I had thousands of these things to get rid of. What amazes me is that almost every bit of literature predates the move to Hertfordshire, so I must have paid the removal company a fortune to bring these things here, on the off chance that I might do those old shows again. As they programmes are for charity, it's understandable that I wanted to try and get maximum value from them, but even so. In the long run it would surely have been more cost effective and less time consuming to just do another print run.
As I went through that familiar, weirdly grounding experience of pushing hundreds of pictures of my own face through a slot into a massive skip I realised that however many more shows I do, I probably won't have to do this again. The programme for Can I Have My Ball Back? is digital (apart from 200 physical copies - which I have been selling for Movember).
The Talking Cock programmes from the original tour are well over 20 years old. I've been keeping them that long, only to bin the last few today (I have kept a couple of dozen of all the ones that I still have copies of - I send them out as part of the prize package for monthly badgers. Join here for this and many more benefits http://gofasterstripe.com/badges).
I also threw out the legs from the snooker board that I have played self-playing snooker on since the start. I am not giving up self-playing snooker (why would I? I am still the world champion) but am going to use the board that I bought for the live gig a few years back (if it has survived being on its side in my garage all that time -even if it hasn't, a shitty board is part of the sport). I am not throwing out the main board though, but we're thinking of cutting it up so that true fans can own a part of that hallowed turf. It seemed a bit much to try and saw up the legs as well - what kind of an idiot would want that? (all the idiots who listen to that podcast, that's who).
Even at their final moment those snooker legs were not going easily. The skip was almost full and a woman at the top of the stairs to it told me to throw them into a far corner. I did so, but the legs flipped so that they hung partly over the edge of the skip and the lady had to try and use another bit of wood to pull them in properly. She didn't manage it and the legs remained where they were. An annoyance to everyone to the very last. Very on brand.
Fuck me though, it's fun chucking big lumps of wood and broken kitchen appliances into big skips. Not so much fun to throw away your own publicity material with your stupid, gurning, young face on it.
If anyone wants loads of old programmes and leaflets of mine then head down to Letchworth dump and squeeze into the paper skip. It's closed on Tuesday and Wednesday though.
And my whole life isn't just about dealing with rubbish (watch it), but as I put the bins out tonight at dusk, two Vs of honking geese flew up the street right above my head. I watched them disappear into the distance. The noise is ugly but the formations are beautiful and they were silhouettes against the dark blue sky. I suppose geese fly over towns as well, but you don't notice them. And I will miss moments like this when we move.
But being able to walk to Caffe Nero probably trumps it.
Joining me on October 14th at the Leicester Sq Theatre is Count Binface. Tickets and links here.
Badgers and Plussers there is news of one of the Birmingham guests in your secret area.
Also the news is in the video below, which I am going to make for just paid subscribers. I will do videos of the blogs when I can, but it’s surprisingly time consuming so they are going to be paid subs only (and will be doing a few extra bits for paid subs as we go along)